Wise Not Withered

Magical Librarian - BASIRA

Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast, Season 2: The Character Showcase! This is Week 2. Today I am thrilled to exhibit Basira, a seventy-year-old Pakistani woman who manages a library. Basira lost her husband and son ten years prior to the beginning of the story, and she has become very jaded, bitter, and cold. At the library where she works, she discovers a mysterious book that becomes a portal to a magical world. In this storybook land, Basira meets a little girl who helps her through her journey of love, grief, and connecting to and nurturing her inner child.

The writer who chose this character, Noor Pinna from New York, beautifully wove in really nice and specific details from her Pakistani heritage into what she wrote. The whole canvas of imagery and feel of the story comes entirely from Noor, from Basira's brightly colored shalwar kameez and hijab, her meals of chai and scrambled eggs, chicken and curry with naan, to the environmental scenery details in the storybook land (like the babul tree and river dolphin), and Basira's Islamic faith and Urdu prayer.

The story is both heart-breaking and heart-warming. I wanted a balanced mixture of sweet and sad; Noor and I both contributed so many tender and delicate moments, as well as raw, emotional parts. When I first got the idea for the Magical Librarian, I wasn't sure if I wanted to explicitly say how her family had passed away. But when Noor wrote about a suicide bombing as the cause, it felt right to keep it in the story. That kind of tragedy is unfortunately more common in countries like Pakistan, and it felt important to include, to show how these catastrophic events affect regular people who are just trying to live their lives, with pure hearts and good intentions.

The description that Noor wrote of the last day Basira was with her family absolutely broke my heart. The suicide bombing happened while Basira was away from them, getting some mango kulfi, a dense and creamy frozen dairy dessert, for herself and her son. The juxtaposition of light-heartedness and pure joy of enjoying a sweet treat with the jarring event that was the bombing made the tragedy hit even harder.

I really cried when I first read that scene. It is a very important part of the story, and highlights a key underlying lesson of acceptance of the simultaneous existence of joy and grief. Even when feeling great sorrow and grief, one can still have happy moments as well, and that's okay. The older we get, and the more we experience, the more likely we are to experience both joy and pain to very deep levels.

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I really loved the prayer that Noor wrote for Basira.

"بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ / In the Name of Allah, the All-merciful, the All-compassionate
اللَّهُمَّ مَوْلايَ / O Allah! O my Protector!
اللَّهُمَّ عَظُمَ بَلائِي / O Allah, my tribulation is tremendous,
لَهِي وَرَبِّي مَن لِّي غَيْرُكَ أَسْألُهُ كَشْفَ ضُرِّي وَالْنَّظَرَ فِي أَمْرِي! / My God and my Lord! Have I any but You from whom
to ask removal of my affliction and regard for my affairs!
وَّعَلَيَّ فِي جَمِيعِ الأُمُورِ عَطُوفاً / And be gracious to me in all that I do!"

I wanted to include as many parts of people's cultures into each story as we could, and it feels really special to have the beautiful Urdu letters in the text. Portraying a Muslim woman and her Islamic faith in a positive light also was really important to include. I feel that ultimately Basira's connection to her inner child and her faith is what helped her through the hard times.

The connection to the little girl—who turns out to be herself, her own inner little girl—was the core concept that I came up with from the start. Noor did a wonderful job of telling the story like a stroll down memory lane: Basira recognizes the places that they travel to because she herself had been there decades earlier as she was growing up.

The inclusion of the child in the story is a reminder that there is still a child within each of us, and connecting to and understanding our inner child can help us find peace. At the beginning of the story, we describe a list of people in Basira's life that she is unhappy with:

"The excessively friendly young man Ahmed who managed the library with her… The women her age who bothered her while she was busy shelving books, whining about not knowing what novel to pick up next… Her older brother Afshad who never called anymore…"

In the ending, we include a similar list of people who surround her, except this time, after the list, it is implied that she is focusing on rekindling and appreciating those connections, and accepting love and joy into her life again. The last illustration is of Basira reading a storybook, surrounded by a group of children. It's a visual epilogue of sorts, showing that Basira will start to connect more with the children in her community.

Our illustrator for Basira was Monica Meius from Estonia, who's currently living in Finland. I am positively delighted by the illustrations that Monica made for Basira's story. I think she captured the characters perfectly, and the bright colors and overall design is very much like a storybook itself.

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I found Noor on Instagram by searching some kind of poetry hashtag, and I really liked the content she had. Seeing that she is a therapist and a mindset coach, it wasn't surprising that she was interested in and capable of writing about a character who goes through very hard times and comes out stronger.

Noor took some time to answer a few questions that I had about herself and her background, main takeaways from Basira's story, and her experience being part of the Wise Not Withered project. So, here's Noor!

"Hi! My name is Noor Pinna. I'm a licensed mental health therapist, and a transformation mindset coach. I work with women over twenty-five who are willing to work with me on overcoming their shame, creating boundaries, and creating uniquely tailored self-care plans so that they can be leaders in their own universe. I really enjoy hiking, being in nature, writing poetry, and having potluck with diverse cultural foods.

Some of the main takeaways that I wanted people to have from the story is that grief varies, and it's not linear. You can heal from many different resources, as long as you are [willing and able to] open that door a little bit for that light to come in, so that you can receive the benefits and the support of other people. But it has to start with you.

The other thing that I wanted people to take away from the story was that, you know, there's a stereotype that women in my culture are submissive, and are not able to have any say, or they can't have businesses or things like that. And in this story, I really wanted to show that regardless of your age, a woman in my culture can have a job, is a contribution, and can provide support and be an empowering female for others, and still chase after her dreams.

[The Wise Not Withered project] is something that I really enjoyed. It was something new. It was all about empowering females from all different types of cultures, backgrounds, and age. I thought this was a unique thing for women of all ages—adolescents, young girls, young women—to be able to say hey, these are really strong female characters. They're providing me a lesson, a resource, an inspiration. There's nothing better than to offer more insight and more empowerment. Because we have to, as a community, lift [one another] up, we have to empower women together, and not tear each other down. And this is what I felt like the essence of this project was: we were lifting women together, as well as involving other characters that were male in the process of this project."

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Stay tuned for more showcases of the Wise Not Withered characters, releasing every Sunday until the end of April, 2020!

Retired Cyborg Engineer - NERO

Welcome to the Wise Not Withered Podcast, Season 2! Over the next 25 weeks, I will be showcasing each of the characters in the Wise Not Withered project. I decided to do this showcase right now because it has been exactly one year since I sent my first cold emails to recruit writers and illustrators for the project. All twenty-five characters have at least a story draft and/or one or two illustrations done. A handful of the characters have a complete story AND complete set of illustrations, and today’s character is one of them!

“Trust and Betrayal” is a story written by Julie from Nigeria. It’s about a retired cyborg engineer named Nero, whose calm evening is interrupted by two droids that urgently need her to travel to the MTA, or Multinational Technology Authority complex, which she herself had designed and built decades prior alongside Master Juan, leader of the droids. Once she returns, she finds Master Juan in critical condition. He warns that her humanoid son Oliver plans to destroy all of humanity, though we later find out who the real antagonist is…

In just five pages, Julie created an entire world from scratch, launching readers into the action straight away, including details that brilliantly developed the backstory while also propelling the current story forward. As someone that’s not too familiar with science fiction, I didn’t have that many ideas about the cyborg story at the beginning. I knew that in terms of character, I wanted her to have been a cyborg for most of her life, after a near-fatal accident that happened when she was a teenager. I wanted her to be incredibly smart and resourceful, but also a bit slow-witted; kind and generous, but sometimes too much so!

Julie did an amazing job of incorporating all of those traits and writing a character that was intelligent but gullible, strong and authoritative but also soft. Julie created the rest of the characters: Master Juan (leader of the droids), Oliver (Nero’s ambitious humanoid son), Doctor Eddie (the mechanic who had worked on Nero after her accident; some unresolved romantic tension included!), and Majors Xi and Li (high-ranking officials that also work at MTA).

When I found Julie on Instagram, I was intrigued by the beautiful imagery and syntax in her poems. I was honestly surprised when she picked the cyborg character as her top choice to write about, since I hadn’t seen anything remotely related to sci-fi on her page. But I trusted, and she delivered! I was absolutely blown away by the descriptions of the MTA complex, and a variety of different technological devices.

“Now, to the normal eye, Captain Nero’s bed was simply for rest. This was not the case, however, for just like the rest of MTA, there was more to the bed than meets the eye. Underneath at the right edge was a switch which converted the bed to a gurney table the moment she flicked it. Chromium wound up around Master Juan until it formed a cocoon: secure but not too tight. This chromium served as a body scan and was connected to Nero’s computer which would help her determine the problem spots in her friend’s body before she could push for a cure. Approaching footsteps made her whip her head around.”

Make sure to check out Julie’s Instagram page!

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The illustrator for Nero is Carolina from Mexico. I also found her on Instagram, and was very interested in her sketchy, somewhat gritty, very detailed illustrations. She did a wonderful job creating the look of Nero, with her gray afro, pink scarf, and robotic body parts. Carolina actually made a few illustrations for the look of her hair. While I preferred the gray afro and ultimately decided to stick with that look for the rest of the illustrations, I really liked these pink cornrows as well!

Please check out more of Carolina’s work on her Instagram page!

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Julie graciously took some time to introduce herself and tell us a bit about her background and interests. So without further ado, here is Julie!

“My name is Julie Onoh from Nigeria. I’m an author and poet. I’m really passionate about the girl child and women’s rights, and this came due to my experience growing up here in my society. Women do face a lot of discrimination; although lucky for me I come from a wonderful family. I have wonderful parents who have never been partial to both sexes; among their children they shared love. There was nothing like, ‘Oh, the boy is more important than the girl’ and all that. I’m so happy to have that kind of background.

I’ve always loved books. Sometimes I like to think I was born with an unseen book in my hands. I’ve always been drawn to books, from an early age. I love stories, reading, and then creating something from those thoughts rolling around in my head. I have an overactive imagination, you see.

But I want to say I [didn’t take] writing seriously until 2017. I had to do some soul-searching, and then while reading the Bible, there was a scripture spoke to me. God would bless the work of my hands. I had to do an inward search, you know, like what works? What exactly works? And my books were just staring at me. (laughs) This is you, Julie. I have not looked back since then!

To be honest, I read a lot of genres. I enjoy reading the books of Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, Buchi Emeceta, Maya Angelou, Julie Garwood, Danielle Steel, Chimamanda Adichie, Lesley Pearse, Rupe Kaur, George R.R. Martin, Titilope Sonuga… You know, I could go on and on. So long as the plot is well-written, you’ve got me hooked!

Nero!! Okay, as a writer, I send submissions for different competitions that come up. And one of such cases was the Drucker Challenge, where we wrote about the impact of artificial intelligence in our world. And I was really fascinated while doing research on it, and I got to discover the advancements we’ve actually made. I think getting to watch movies like Star Trek, you know, they forge thoughts in my mind. When the Wise Not Withered project came up, I was instantly drawn to the cyborg character. Remember I told you I have an overactive imagination, yeah. (laughs) Nero is the result of what I was researching on the AI essay!

Our illustrator is Mexican, so we tried to infuse our roots, you know: the Nigerian and Mexican mix into the story, while being careful not to allow it detract from it. And while creating the story, initially Oliver was supposed to be the villain. But I realized I was feeding into this irrational fear of humanoids that we seem to have, and that made me change the narrative.”

I also asked Julie about what kinds of qualities she’d want in a voice actress and also the music for the story.

“Oh yeah, I want a voice actress whose voice is bold and assertive. As you can see, Nero is not a simple nilly; it should reflect in her voice too! Music… Definitely not blues. (laughs) I think I see Nero as this loud, fast-tempo music lover. She probably loves hard rock, R&B, Afro beats, that kind of thing… Something with a swing to it!”

And finally, I asked Julie about her experience working on the project, and any other parting words she had.

“The Wise Not Withered project is a wonderful one, and I’m grateful to God for placing such an idea in Juliana Russell. I mean, who says older women can’t be cool too? So we’re trying to change that narrative where the young ones view the elderly as weak and useless, and I’m hoping we can shift that perspective. Soon, we’ll have more representation of the elderly in media, hopefully. I’m just blessed to be part of this project!

It was nice participating in this project. I got to meet lots of people from different areas of the world. I commend the organizer of this project for putting up something this huge, and getting folks all over the world to connect with each other. We got to know each other a bit more, exchange ideas… It has been an eye-opening experience for me, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. So, I’m grateful, I learned… IT’s been wonderful! Thank you, Wise Not Withered family! *mwah* (laughs)”

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Stay tuned for more showcases of the Wise Not Withered characters, releasing every Sunday until the end of April, 2020!

Episode 10.2 - Zoë Kors (followup)

Thanks for listening to another episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast. This is the last episode in Season 1: part two with Zoë Kors. Check out wisenotwithered.com for partial transcripts and more! And please go to zoekors.com to see what Zoë has been up to! :)

Episode 10.1 - Zoë Kors

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast. This episode will be Part 1 of the last episode of Season 1. Next time we'll hear from Zoë Kors again, as she was yet another person whom I interviewed twice, realizing there was a lot more that I wanted to ask her about. Stay tuned! :)

Episode 9 - Scarlett Maebh

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast. This week I am sharing my two-part interview with Scarlett Maebh. I met Scarlett at a women's retreat almost two years ago. She and next week's guest were two of the activity leaders at the retreat, and they led extremely powerful and healing rituals with our small group. I was thrilled when Scarlett agreed to be interviewed, and I hope you feel inspired by her story.

If you've listened to other episodes in my Podcast, you're already aware that we do go pretty deep and raw while discussing the struggles and triumphs in the stories of these wise, brave women. Scarlett's story, while not disclosing particular details of events, does include retelling of domestic violence and sexual assault. She also goes into how she worked through and healed her trauma, and overall I believe her story is inspiring above anything else.

For a partial yet still quite extensive transcript of this episode, please visit my website, wisenotwithered.com, and go to instagram.com/wisenotwithered for short, quotable and shareable excerpts from Scarlett as well as all of the other wise women who I've interviewed.

Episode 8 - Marti McGuirk

Welcome to the next episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! I had the opportunity to speak with Mrs. McGuirk, who was my counselor in high school ten years ago.

On her relationship with her mother: “I love her, and I have enormous respect for her, but sometimes I might have wished she could’ve just you know, not been quite so involved in everything [while I was growing up]. … I would say now, it’s good. Being adults, it’s easier to see where she’s coming from. Versus when I was 16, 17, 18, I was like ‘Why are you all up in my business?’ And now I’m like ‘Oh okay, I understand how that works!’ I would say now, we’re pretty close, which is pretty cool.”

On something she’s learned from being a counselor over the last twelve years: “First of all, I think I’ve learned… The older I get? Or if it’s just how much the generations change. Kids’ lives are so much harder than it was five years ago, ten years ago, twenty years ago. Whether it’s ‘you need to be in this, that, or the other activity’, or ‘you have to maintain this presence in your social media’, and you have to deal with people’s expectations for your body, your gender, your cultural expectations, for your family: what’s an okay job for you to get after high school, or if it’s okay to go to college. I think it was a lot simpler when I was graduating from high school, plunked out a couple of applications via type writer. I think their lives are so much more complicated, and a lot more complicated than I think a lot of people give credence to, which I think is kinda hard.”

On what she learned from a previous relationship: “I had internalized the fact that he was never gonna want to have kids. And I stayed because I was like ‘But maybe he’ll change!’ You know, the stupid weak woman, ‘I can change him!’ or ‘Maybe I don’t want to have kids.’ At some point it was like NO, girl! … No matter how much we loved each other, it wasn’t enough. And that was an incredibly hard thing for me to wrap my head around: how can I love you, and you love me, and we’re so good together… And we don’t want the same things. It was hard to let that go. … Things worked out better than I ever could have imagined, but I think letting go of the fantasy of it was really hard.”

On what she learned from becoming a mom: “I would never have said I was a patient person before I had kids. I think I’m wired for impatience, and children of all ages, shapes, and size really force you to slow down. … We will stop, and we will wait. And I think you notice more that way. … [My son] used to love to go out and just cruise around when it was raining. My pre-mother self would have been annoyed, like we’re getting wet, and why can’t we just get to where we’re going!? It teaches you to really slow down, and notice. He noticed worms on the sidewalk, and we floated leaves in the gutter. As an adult, you miss that stuff, if you’re like me, always impatient and in a hurry. The act of slowing down and being more present is pretty magical.”

On her greatest success in life: “How I was raised, being a good wife and a good mom. I think my family is—and I’m totally gonna cry—the most important. And they know that, and they can count on me. Our kids are good people. Mr. McGuirk and I have a successful marriage. All that stuff… I think that’s the win! And I know that’s not the uh, feminist answer. (laughs) But there you go, girl!”

On her greatest failure: “It’s not a singular, specific thing. But especially growing up where I come from, people look like Barbies. … Singularly, they’re dumb things. Like trying to straighten my hair so I could look like everybody else. Or trying to be skinnier, or not doing this sport, or that activity, because it wasn’t ‘cool’ or ‘appropriate for women’. So a million of those little choices. … As an adult woman, I can’t believe I was that person.

Because now I talk to girls all day long, and I’m like ‘You don’t need that BS! You don’t need to look a certain way, or act a certain way! You should raise your hand, and be the first person to volunteer for things, and you should never squash your ideas!’ But I was totally in that mindset that you had to be this image. It took a long time to get to adulthood and be like… No. Actually, you don’t. Fool, you don’t! … At some point I was like, no dumb ass, there are no ‘cool girls’! There’s just a bunch of women doing their thing. Do your thing, girl! It’s embarrassing to think how long it took me to realize that in hind sight.”

A piece of advice: “It is okay to be who you are, and in the end, you don’t have to apologize… Because no one is honestly paying as much attention as you think they are. And I think that was one of the big aha moments: oh my god, no one cares! No one cares what I am doing. And I don’t mean it in a malicious way. If you wanna have those clothes, or that hair, or if you want to choose that career, or if you like that type of person… No one cares. As long as you’re kind to people, as long as you’re a good human being… Nobody gives a shit.”

On future plans: “Honestly, I want to stay healthy enough to be able to enjoy the life that I’ve built. I dig it! Honestly I’m super happy. I love my life, I think it’s good. I’m sure I should have some other aspirations, but… I’m pretty happy. Trying to run a little faster. But cool if I don’t too!”

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Mrs. McGuirk dropped so many amazing truth bombs on us during our interview, and I’m so glad that she agreed to talk with me on such an intimate level about so many things. There’s nothing specific in our interview that I wanted to expand upon, since I think our conversation was pretty complete on its own, and I did ask a lot of followup questions during the interview, rather than thinking of them after.

One of the most interesting things about Mrs. McGuirk for me right now, and her husband Mr. McGuirk, who was my math teacher for both junior and senior years of high school, is that their 10-year-old son was actually one of my first students. I remember how she was pregnant with him while I was still in high school. It’s insane to think about how I could have walked up to her, while I was still my incredibly shy and reclusive 17-year-old self and told her, “Hey, I’m going to be your baby’s music teacher in 8 years!”

And they’re not the only ones! There have been quite a few other teachers I had in middle school or high school who are now the parents of my students. I was their student, and now their kid is MY student. It’s just one of those weird… Cool… Ways of blatantly seeing how time has passed and how people—specifically myself—have changed.

Episode 7 - My Best Friend's Mother

Welcome to the next episode of the Wise Not Withered Podcast! This week’s interviewee is the mother of one of my best friends. I’ve known this wonderful, kind lady for a little over ten years, and it was really great to get to know her even more. My friend and I always say how alike our mothers are, in their overall positive and upbeat demeanor.

About her relationship with her mother: “I was pretty rebellious as a kid—I was the fourth of five kids. So I think by the time I came along, my mom had kind of seen it all, was kinda tired… So I didn’t feel like I had a very close relationship with my mom. It felt like she was kinda checked out.

My siblings were a lot older. She started her career—she worked at the telephone company, and she worked the night shifts. Her shifts started at 3 PM and ended at midnight. So after school, I didn’t see her. So I just felt like I didn’t have a really strong or good relationship with her.

In high school, we started having a better relationship, which is odd because I think it’s the opposite for a lot of other people. But that’s when we started talking, and learning about each other. And from then on, high school on, I felt like I had a good relationship with her. But not early on.”

About her job as a clerk at the Marine Corps Air Station: “I liked working at the Marine Corps Air Station, because I got to meet a lot of Marines, and they were from all over the US. And I was a young thing, so they’d all talk to me. But it was so interesting to get to know all these different people from all these different places. Being in Hawaii is kind of sheltered. Meeting people from Mississippi, for instance, well that was a big deal. Wow, Mississippi! New York! Things like that—it was very interesting for me. I found that I liked talking with the people, and helping them. So that was good.”

About one of her biggest challenges: “I think one of them has been knowing that I can’t do everything. That was really hard for me to accept. When I was in my mid-30’s, [when my kids were two and seven], I decided I wanted to go back to school, and finish my undergrad. I had dropped out in Hawaii, to go to the beach, work at the pizza place, all that fun stuff, and I never finished. … I was working a full-time job, and I was supervising about ten people. Up until then, I had never felt any limitations about anything that I could do. So I went back to school, full-time. And I was working full-time.

I did it for about a year and a half. Then I crashed. I started having anxiety attacks. … I would stay up til like 1 o’clock in the morning, studying and writing papers. I would sleep til about 4:00, get up and study a little bit, go to work. Drinking coffee, diet coke, because I had to stay awake. [My doctor] said, ‘I think your body is telling you that you’re doing too much.’ I said oh no! I can do this. I have always done this. I can always burn the candle at both ends, I can do anything. I never thought anything would stop me.

I mean, looking back on it now, it makes total sense. What was happening was I wasn’t getting enough sleep, I was over-caffeinated, so I on overload. That was a really rude awakening for me. I was 35, and I thought what? Up until now, I was able to do anything I set my mind out to do. How can this be happening to me? And I was really mad at myself and upset.

My doctor said, okay I want you to talk to a therapist. I’m like, I don’t need that! He said well, just give it a try. And I’m so glad he said that. Because in talking to a therapist—somebody who will actually listen to you for an hour—it really made me stop and think that wow, you know, I’m really hard on myself. I expect that I can do this, and this, and that… I never wanted to ask for help.

So it brought me to the realization that I can’t do everything, that that’s not a bad thing. It’s okay to ask for help. When you’re overwhelmed, it’s okay to step back from it for a bit, and take a break. Until then I’d just been go-go-go. That was the hardest thing for me to accept. … Up until then I expected I could do anything, and I expected everybody else to be just like me. I had to readjust what I thought about myself and what I expected from others as well. So it was a good thing that I learned then, instead of later.”

About a failure at the time, and what she learned: “Thinking about work… There were times earlier, when I was in my 30’s, where I was very impatient. … One day, [I got into an argument at work with someone with a strong personality like mine]. We were yelling at each other. That wasn’t my finest moment. Afterwards, my boss talked to me and said, ‘That was very inappropriate. You’re not supposed to yell to get your point across. Yeah, he was mouthing back to you and provoking you, but you have to take the high road, and that was very wrong, the way you handled that.’ So that really hurt, because I still felt I was right, and [the other guy] was wrong. But my boss told me that wasn’t the right way to handle that.

After that I felt very embarrassed, I felt like oh I’m a failure, I didn’t handle that correctly. In the heat of the moment, I was yelling at him. But then, because of that, I had to really stop and think and say, you know as mad as I am at him and think yeah I’m right, I have to look in the mirror and say you know, I was at fault. I shouldn’t have done that. So that was really hard for me. Because I just felt I’m right, you’re wrong, shut up. I had to really take a step back and acknowledge that I wasn’t.

At the time I was devastated. I was just like oh no, how can I go back to work? I was so embarrassed, how can I face him and everybody who listened to it? But I talked to him. I apologized, and he did too. We came to a better understanding. And then separately, I went and talked to the other people and apologized for my conduct. I wanted everybody to know that I had done some introspection, and that I felt that was not appropriate. I didn’t want them to think oh, it’s okay to go around yelling at people, because she did it.

At the time, I felt really devastated, I thought it was the most horrible thing. But now when I look back at it, I think that was good, because I really learned a lot from that situation.”

I’ve heard that come up a lot—it’s more important how you damage control afterward. We all explode at different times, but how you handle it after is more important. Cause you have to admit that you did something wrong, which is really hard to do.

Episode 5 - Kirsten Malinee

Welcome to the 5th episode of the Wise Not Withered Show! This time I interviewed the lovely Kirsten Malinee. We met at a women’s retreat that focused on creativity and connection.

“I’m completely conflict-avoidant. I would rather not speak, which is in its own way is conflict. (laughs) So I’m learning to not give my power away, and have my voice.”

“I do love to take classes. I register for a lot of them. I don’t always finish them. I don’t always get as much out of them as I think I’m going to get out of them. I collect them, in a way, like people collect ceramic bunnies. (laughs) I have everything I need to do everything I want to do in my life. I really do.”

“Do things truthfully, with a purpose. And don’t pretend to pretend.”

“Say what you need to say. Have conversations with people that you need to have, because you may never get the chance.”

“Make choices around your values rather than just ending up somewhere. I moved from existing and getting by into thriving in a different way. Life is good, and dreams have come true.”

“I don’t think it has anything to do with accomplishments. I think it has to do with the way I decided live my life. Deciding to always continue growing, stay curious, and continually learn, and develop myself. A lot of people, I think, my age are thinking about retirement as a way to you know, quit working, and go sit on a beach somewhere, survive to the best they can or whatever. And I’m at a point where I’m thinking okay, I’m gonna retire in a certain amount of years. I want to develop an independent career for myself to have then. So that I am doing work that is truly fulfilling, and comes from a sense of my purpose and passion. … That’s my greatest accomplishment: always having hope to learn, understand, and share more.”

“I think that all of my failures stem from the same thing. And that’s being afraid. Being afraid to put myself out there. Being afraid to brag about myself that promotes what I can do for someone else. Being afraid to take a chance. … Questioning myself because of fear of how other people will perceive me… That is the worst way to write anything, and it’s the worst way to live. That self-consciousness, and fear that the self-consciousness that comes with it.”

“[When it comes to impact on other people], I don’t think we know. … You don’t know what you share may seem so little and so inconsequential in how you show up with other people and what you share with them. And if you’re honest with them about the things that are inspiring you and what you’re learning in that moment, and they pick it up. You may never know, but it could have a profound impact on their life.”

Episode 4 - My Mother

Welcome to Episode 4 of the Wise Not Withered Show! This episode is quite special, as it features an interview I did with my own mother! Check out https://wisenotwithered.com/2019/01/03/the-wnw-show-interview-with-my-mother/ for partial transcript.

Episode 3 - My Own Sensei

Welcome to Episode 3 of the Wise Not Withered Podcast. Starting this week, I will be posting partial transcripts, highlighting what I consider to be key points that each woman talked about in each episode. Feel free to share the audiograms that I post up on my Instagram page, @wisenotwithered, with one-minute-or-less quotes!

This week’s episode features my own Japanese teacher from high school. It was so interesting to learn about and profoundly deepen my understanding of this woman who had taught me during my teenaged years. I was so appreciative of how deep she dove with her answers—I honestly had not expected the level of openness and warmth that she showed me. It was a really pivotal experience for me, to say the least.

Note: We met and recorded at a public park, so there are various outdoor noises in the background, like birds chirping, people walking by, and trucks beeping…

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I just turned 50. I’m actually getting married. I don’t know how to describe it. (laughs) I came halfway through my life, but I still feel I haven’t achieved many things. … I just finished my Masters program, which was my dream. After 22 years.

Being a housewife over 10 years in a foreign country is a challenge, as a woman. I didn’t grow up here, tradition is different, culture is different. You have to drive everywhere, take kids… It was too much for me. I dropped out of the [college] course. After three years again, I thought, I want to be a teacher still. What [will my life be] after my kids grow up?

I [tend to] stay in one place… But maybe there’s other perspectives. In a way, I’ve lived in Idaho, so I’ve seen a little bit of different American [cities]. Melting pot-wise, [California is] really good. All my kids friends are from different backgrounds, different countries.

I tend to date with someone who relies on me, in terms of decision-making… I talk a lot generally, and the guy tends to be quiet. But they are supporting me. Right now, my current husband is the same, too—he doesn’t talk much. But I know the beauty of how he supports me.

“You are supposed to take care of the kids, because you are a housewife. I have a job.” That gave some conflict in the long-term. Especially, you know, it took me a while to find what I like. I studied economics—I can teach math too. … I was more into economics, working. Working women! … My burden as a woman: taking care of three children, working full time: it’s a lot to take. [My husband] did not understand.

After I got divorced, my life got easier. Nobody was controlling me. … Right now, we are trying to keep a good relationship, because of the kids. He actually became a better person by divorcing me. Because he had to take care of the kids!

Going through divorce was a hard thing, in a foreign country especially. I had to go in front of a judge. A lot of [crying, and depression]. It was a good thing. It was scary. But I think I became stronger by experiencing that not many people know about. It also broadened [my eyes], understand others better by going through hardship.

When I think about my life, who influenced me. One of them is my professor from Japan. … He always said, “If you are good in one thing, that’s enough.” You just have to find one talent, he always said that in the big lecture rooms. That echoed [with] me—he was so different from other Japanese professors. He just talked about life, about his kids, in the lecture. And that’s the only thing I can remember, actually!

I think girls’ perspective… They should have careers. Girls and boys, it doesn’t really matter. They should have something they really like. … To make a living, you have to maybe what you may not want to do first, and settle—health insurance, things you need for your living. And then maybe you go to different directions, pick one you like. Just get involved in so many different things. Just be curious, and even if you think you might not be good at it, I think you should get involved.

If I hadn’t divorced, my current happy life wouldn’t be here, right? There’s up and down… My mom always tells me, up and down in life. Everyone has—it’s a good saying. People with money, husband, big house… They look happy, but who knows? Maybe superficially, but emotionally, they have struggles. That’s something we should keep in mind.

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It was so intriguing to talk with my Japanese teacher again after many years. Learning about what she was going through—the divorce and subsequent lawsuits, and depression—puts a brand new perspective on my own perception of her while I was still in high school. I had no idea what she was going through at the time, and I respect her a lot for being so collected outwardly, while going through a really intense, emotionally turbulent time in her life. I love that she talked about how her life is easier and happier now after the divorce, and she is so much more independent.

I also found it interesting that she mentioned a professor she had in college in Japan, who inspired her with his idea that you only need to find one thing that you’re good at. I have heard this idea from a few people before, and I actually disagree! While I am passionate about my job, teaching music, I think it’s important to have other hobbies and interests, and if the career you choose isn’t your passion, I think that’s perfectly fine, as long as you are still spending time doing things that you love too. Maybe the way that I can relate to that concept is that I do think it’s important to find things that you love and are good at, but it doesn’t necessarily have to become your career.

Talking with her and acknowledging the necessary border between teachers and students made me think about the relationships I have now with my students. I stay professional in my lessons, though sometimes I do try to throw in personal anecdotes, to try to relate to them, especially my teenaged students who take private lessons with me. Having this conversation with my former teacher makes me wonder if I will ever form friendships with my own students when they grow older and we can relate to each other as adults.